Pack’s Sunday Satire: Dog racing switches to humans

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Breaking News (we never hear that phrase from cable news any more)

The greyhound racing industry will drop the use of dogs later this month. Industry leaders in the United States, Great Britain and Australia will take the lead by putting on the muzzles themselves – for the first races.

Then they’ll try to scam as many “volunteers” as possible around the globe to race.

In the US, the first so-called biped racing event is set for May 2 in Florida and will be called “The Dumber Than Dirt Derby.”

“We messed up,” said race coordinator Mumford Claptrap. “We had all of the flyers, banners and signs printed before we realized that the name made us look bad.

“So we’ll just use it this year. And hey – can anyone tell me what a biped is?”

When asked about possible injuries and deaths to the human racers, Claptrap said, “We never worried about that stuff with the dogs, so I guess we’ll stick with the same system. And the percentages were soooo low. So the impact on human racers will be no big deal.

“We looked at study after study and found that good money can be had on the gambling bets for human racing,” Claptrap said. “That’s all we every wanted. The breeders have agreed to switch over to training friends to run in circle.

“What difference does it make who we exploit?”

Now let’s look at a few things industry insiders actually said recently:

It Kansas this week, a racing greyhound named “PJ Burninitdown” was sold at auction for a record $85,000.

NGA Executive Director Gary Guccione was quoted in the article as saying, “It was magical. It just all came together. It was the opposite of the perfect storm. Everything jelled.”

Magical? He was quoted as using that phrase. Dogs are dying on a regular basis on tracks on numerous states and this man call sale like this – “magical.”

Over in Australia, a headline in the Herald Sun read, “Industry will bounce back and sparkle again.” This editorial is nothing short of disgusting.

The writer starts off with a reports of dead greyhounds in a pit and dead racehorses and live baiting in the country. And then adds this – “But maybe it’s the bad look before things get better; that the vigilance of stewards and administrators to go hard without fear or favour in all three versions of the one sport — racing animals for sport and gambling — will lead to a relatively trusted and prosperous era. Australian Trainers’ ­Association president Robbie Griffiths thinks so.”

No – It’s 2015, after decades of abuse in greyhound racing across the globe. You don’t get to claim this is a surprise and NOW you’ll clean it up. You are out of chances and it’s time to shut the industry down forever. You don’t get to claim ignorance when the ignorance and abuse and cruelty has gone on for decades – with the horrors clearly documented.

Then the writer of the piece went completely into the land of make believe and blames those who exposed the horrors of the industry – “Greyhound adoption was going gangbusters until the ­infamous Four Corners report. Requests plummeted, but they will rise once the hysteria and headlines subside.

One cannot get more misguided than that. Blaming the reporting of abuse for the reduction in adoptions? I would have had a hard time coming up a satire quote that hit the silly chart that far up the bar.

Stay tuned – there’s more to come.

PACK MENTALITY BLOG: Compassion - teamed with Science and Logic

One thought on “Pack’s Sunday Satire: Dog racing switches to humans

  1. Your post started off as satire, but apparently the author of that nonsense in the Melbourne Herald-Sun was serious when he announced that “Greyhound Racing Victoria has put its own broom through GRV and shed itself of bad ­apples and bad culture.” Yeah, right, mate. That’s what greyhound racing officials claimed they’d already done in the Four Corners report — you know, the very report that showed those horrific and illegal activities going on in multiple places. At most the bad guys will lie low awhile and try to improve their security to keep from getting caught again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Australia saw the same sort of ag-gag laws we’ve had passed by bought-off legislators in the U.S. to protect our own bad actors.

    The single most offensive phrase in that Melbourne Herald-Sun opinion piece is “… once the hysteria and headlines subside.” So a normal human reaction to proven, demonstrated cruelty can be dismissed as “hysteria”?

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